Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
