is your mom at the bar?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
