chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
