Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Couch. On fire.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
