I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
