we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
