Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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