I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
