She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize