oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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