I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
