Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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