We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
