Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...