Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?