I heard we made out
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.