new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
