I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
