I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
