Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
