Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
