Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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