I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
