she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
