Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
