worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
