My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
