to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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