If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
