Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
