How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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