I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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