What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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