There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
