He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
