We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
