Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My feet surprised me
Randomize
