you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Come on in and take your pants off
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