Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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