she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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