Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
