onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
