Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
