Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
