Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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