First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
