turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
