im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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