Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
