what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
