um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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