So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
