He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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