I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
