Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
