just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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